Testing

Lately I have been feeling like there is some line testing going on in my life

I often wonder if God is pushing me toward somewhere I don’t think I can go.

Every day for me is a day that I would love to give up

However when I really consider it, I realize that there is no way that I can.

Thursdays are usually a good day for me because I’m usually away from work on those days.

They are days when I can be lazy and not actually do the things that I really should be doing.

I feel like I can get away with being lazy because there is no one around to push me.

However my heart never takes a day off.

It always feels the tug and pull of the spirit.

It keeps my mind rolling with thoughts of past conversations and discussions.

However I have a wonderful way of drowning those thoughts out,

Some days it’s with TV, some days with the computer.

I have an incredible mind for procrastination.

I can convince and easily allow myself to do almost anything other than what I should be doing.

Some days I feel like the distractions are there as a test yet I seem to fail every time.

I have found that I love to read,

I have also found that reading takes second place when my brain sets out to entertain itself.

My life is a little like a musician testing a microphone,

Testing one two three.

Test one, this is where I see the list of things I need to do but the microphone isn’t turned on yet so of course I could never get started with those things.

Two is here and my mind has given me some “better” options for more entertaining things to do but the microphone still isn’t on.

Test three I have taken both one and two into consideration but the microphone was just turned on and now its blaring and we all know how much I love my own voice and option two is just so close to my mind that I jump on that option and off I go to waste my day away on useless things.

Now I realize that my life is nothing like a microphone test and that was a horrible analogy simply because it wasn’t an analogy that actually made sense. But I digress.

I’m not sure if God is actually testing me in this area of my life, but I do know that I have built a great system for condoning my procrastination system.

This is absolutely not a system that I am proud of by any means, I just haven’t yet figured out how to stop this system from being such a massive part of my lazy life.

Eventually with time and lots of effort I will discontinue my lazy lifestyle and become a productive citizen for my days away from work.

But for now it is a Thursday morning, my guitar is sitting next to me, my computer in my lap and the TV is just waiting to be turned on… ugh… the life I live.

hmm bummer this post went no where...